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How Can I Forgive You?: The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not to
By Janis Abrahms Spring
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Forgive and forget is a traditional lesson that isn't always the best solution. The problem is that we've been taught that forgiveness is the only healthy and moral response and that, regardless of our emotions, forgiveness must be granted to the violator.
Twenty-nine years in clinical psychology inspired Janis Abrahms Spring to write a book with a new and life-affirming alternative to unconditional forgiveness.
How Can I Forgive You?:The Courage to Forgive, The Freedom Not To (Harpercollins, 2004) enlightens the topic of progression past forgiveness. Spring empowers victims to overcome the natural response of hate and get on with their lives even if they chose not to forgive their offenders.
She also offers techniques to help people in their attempts to forgive which involves work from both the victim and offender.
Yet, when both parties cannot commit to genuine forgiveness -- because the injury is too great or the offender will not apologize -- Spring advises that it's time to work through the injury and accept the reality that to forget is better than to forgive without sincerity. This healing process leads to emotional resolution, she says, and the ability to move on with life.
According to Spring, genuine forgiveness is possible, but only when both parties negotiate a process during which the hurt person expresses his or her pain, and the offender apologizes and takes responsibility.
How Can I Forgive You? (Harpercollins, 2004) is a thoughtful exploration into the realm of the social emotional mind and the nuances of forgiveness.
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