Understanding through instincts
What we learned were profound lessons in intuitive boundaries, the power of respect and patience, and the nature of truly selfless support, companionship and love. A wise friend of mine once said that when trust is achieved between women, they can speak of things to one another that might otherwise never find a voice. I discovered from these five that the flip side is also true: between women who have achieved mutual trust, many truths are understood but pass unspoken.
A fine balance of different personalities
First, friendships need a synergy of temperaments. Although the older women have different personalities, they still mesh, purposefully overlooking the tiny faults and flaws that might otherwise grate or cause annoyance.
"We practise acceptance in spite of our different personalities," says Helen. "We know what we have and how to protect it." While they admit to being dissimilar, they won't speak of what separates them, and to label one as quiet or another as bold seems almost disrespectful.
Telling it like it is
Yet among the younger women, Tammy values differences. "I tend to enjoy being around people I respect and look up to and would hope to be like," she says. "Nina is strong and assertive, but I'm very wimpy."
Nina appreciates Tammy's frankness. "I want honest answers from my friends. And, in return, they know if they ask, they can expect honesty from me, even if it's not pretty." She asks how the older women deal with touchy subjects. They agree none would say anything that might offend or hurt another's feelings, whether honesty were called for or not. This approach works for them; they say there has never been an argument or harsh word between them.
New mechanics of friendship
Tammy's desire to learn from others and Nina's quest for honesty are hallmarks of a generation of achievers that reflects, analyses and seeks betterment. We are taught that there is room for improvement and that this pursuit enters every aspect of our lives.
The older women's generation was less oriented toward eternally fixing the world or themselves. The five friends don't see differences as flaws but accept them as variations that enrich the colour of relationships.
"We are just true-blue friends," says Mildred. "You know no matter what happens, you'll not face it alone. When Wes died - it's hard when you lose your husband - my world fell apart and I was having lots of crying spells. Evie just seemed to know. The phone would ring and she'd say, ‘Get your coat on and come down here.' It was just what I needed."
"I can depend on them to be there without depending on them," says Betty. She thinks for a moment. "It's like having someone home all the time."
Click to continue...
Page 2 of 4
|
more articles
