What is a true friend?
The refuge found in thoughtful friends buoys and strengthens when the world threatens to drag us down. Being a true friend means developing the perception to understand the mode of support needed at any given time; paying heed to instincts that tell us when to offer advice, when to listen and, above all, when to drop everything just to be present, even when distance separates.
These five women learned through time and trial that the true comfort of friendship is attained through a constancy of presence more than any singular moment.
Staying in touch
Today technology allows friendships to persist despite distance, stressful jobs and busy lives. While none of the older women even uses a computer, Nina and Tammy correspond mainly via e-mail - but it's not enough. Women need time alone to grow trust and ease with one another. It can't be rushed or forced, only cultivated and nurtured.
"I feel a sense of anxiousness," says Tammy. "I don't want it to fade. I really enjoy her company, but we just don't see each other enough." The pair might enjoy an evening out or a weekend trip several times a year, but these take great preplanning and synchronization of schedules. And they normally include their husbands.
"I've suddenly realized I don't have any real friends who are not couples," says Nina. "My husband is my best friend, and when we work all day apart, I want to spend time with him at night. It makes sense for us to have friends that we can do things with as couples."
Make time for the girls
Working women and mothers today make hard decisions about whom to spend their precious, limited hours with. Including friends in family or couple events might seem a good compromise, but regular women-only companionship is important for building closeness.
I think of my periodic lunch dates with friends: The hour passes in a blur as we attempt to catch up in the allotted time. We talk quickly, as if we have an agenda to cover. There remains no time for the relaxed chat, which, over time, teaches us so much about the other: How we think, what we value, where our hearts reside.
Different degrees of openness
Nina admits time with friends is so limited that "I need to get right to the point. If something is wrong, come right out and tell me about it." Yet while she and Tammy talk freely about what troubles them, it is clear the older women would never feel comfortable discussing personal problems with the group.
This reluctance to enter sensitive areas seems the defining nature of their companionship. But over the years, they have become so fine-tuned to one another, that words are often unnecessary for understanding.
Click to continue...
Page 3 of 4
|
more articles
