Confessions of an anti wine-snob

It had to happen. The wine industry has finally recognized that not all consumers swirl their wine and pretentiously sniff it before allowing it to touch their lips. Some of us just want a drink, and, according to one well-known wine critic, Mike Weir's 2007 Estate Pinot Grigio is the one to have with... wait for it... chicken fingers!

At last, there's a wine expert who acknowledges that we aren't all cooking filet mignon or roast game hen when we come home from work. I guess I can now admit that I use a Homer Simpson corkscrew to open a bottle at the end of a rough day. And I shouldn't have to apologize to anyone if I pour my white into a red wine glass.

Shopping for Air Miles... er... I mean, taste!
Or should I? The very fact that someone reviewed a bottle of $15 wine and suggested that it would go well with my frozen food entrée suggests that even a regular slob like me should be thinking about what I'm drinking with what.I don't need this pressure. I mean, isn't this why I'm having a drink in the first place? Because I'm trying to relax? Why must my Lean Cuisine be a determinant of which bottle to open?

My budget-friendly entertaining strategy
I used to just go to the liquor store and pick up the bottle that would offer me the most Air Miles that day. If someone brought a good wine to the house (note: good is over $20 a bottle in my books) then I'd serve it first and hope that the guests would be too mellow to notice the cheap schlock they were drinking later in the meal.

But now my circle of friends is becoming versed in the intricacies of wine tasting, leading me to become one of those people who wander up and down the aisles of the liquor store like a deer in the headlights. Argentinian or South African? 2005 or 2007? Ten dollars or 30?

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An anti wine snob in wine country
A couple of years back, my friends convinced me to go to Tuscany where we spent more time than I care to admit sipping endless samples. They identified the smoky apple tastes and the hazelnut aromas and spoke of "finesse" and "layering." My taste buds got no further than "like" or "don't like."

We loaded the trunk of our car with bottles from every winery and back at our fattoria, I discovered that everything goes well with pasta if you drink enough of it.

I have relatives who are trying to work with me. They are convinced that there is still hope, that I may somehow have one of those "Eureka!" moments when they will pour a wine into the proper Riedel glass and I'll exclaim, "By George, I think I've got it!"