A perfectionist's weight-loss plan

Just about every woman wishes to be more slender. But perfectionists don't just wish it, they expect it -- and if they are not, they blame themselves for being flawed and lazy and for lacking self-control and self-discipline.

Obviously there are health risks associated with obesity, and a healthy weight is a smart goal. But the fact is, you don't have to be reed-thin to be healthy. In fact, research shows that it's actually better to be overweight and fit than slim and sedentary. Using black-and-white thinking, overweight perfectionists tend to feel that if they can't whittle themselves down to a size 4, there's no point in trying to lose any weight at all. But there is a middle ground. And the best way to find your middle ground is by setting a realistic weight goal. Here are some tips on how to do that:

Be reasonable
If you have a smallish number of pounds to lose, pick a weight goal that is reasonable, healthy, and attainable. Don't pick what you weighed in high school.

Set a series of goals
If you have a larger amount of weight to lose, consider setting a series of weight goals. For example, if you weigh 180 and would like to weigh 130, don't set 130 as your goal because losing 50 pounds is just too daunting. Instead, set a goal of losing a pound a week or three pounds a month.

Losing even a few pounds will do wonders for you -- it will lower your risk of disease, boost your mood, energize you, and allow your clothes to fit more comfortably. When you get to 165, stay there for a while and practise maintaining it. Then you can set a new weight goal for, say, 150 pounds. By breaking weight loss up into achievable chunks, you increase your chances of success.

Get moving
Some women find it best to forget about the numbers on the scale and focus instead on moving their bodies. My friend Miriam Nelson, author of Strong Women Stay Slim and other books in the Strong Women series, has found that when overweight women concentrate solely on short periods of strength training just a couple of times a week, their strength levels improve noticeably in a very short time. What's more, they lose weight and inches. Then, as strength levels increase, women feel more energetic and are naturally more interested in exercising more.

Once they've built an exercise habit, healthier eating seems to fall into place on its own. That's what happened with Lisa Delaney, an editor at Health magazine and author of the book Secrets of a Former Fat Girl. Twenty years ago, Lisa, a size 16, began a successful weight-loss journey simply by exercising. She changed her diet later, after the pounds started to come off. Lisa, now a size 2, maintains her weight loss with exercise and smart eating.

Click to continue...

Page 1 of 2

Change one thing at a time
Another great approach is to forget about how many pounds you have to lose and concentrate on changing your eating habits. But don't change everything at once, or you'll become overwhelmed and frustrated. Instead, pick one eating habit -- your nightly bowl of ice cream, perhaps -- and make a change. Switch to low-calorie ice cream, cut your serving size in half, leave off the hot fudge, or whatever it takes to make a small but definite change.

Stick with it for a week or two, and then make another change -- switch from half-and-half to whole milk in your coffee, for example. Sustain that change for a week or two, and add another. The idea is to pick small goals, achieve them, feel comfortable with them, and then add more goals. In other words, take baby steps.

Learn to take baby steps
The “baby step” approach is the complete opposite of what perfectionists are usually drawn to. We perfectionists don't like baby steps -- we like big, giant steps. We like to leap! When we set out to lose weight, we pick a dramatic weight-loss goal, an unrealistic exercise plan, and the diet of a penitent monk.

We start out full of excitement and purpose and stick to our goals like glue for three days. Then something happens -- the babysitter calls in sick or a meeting runs long -- and we have to skip a workout. Because we miss a workout, we dispense with our Spartan diet and gobble up a double cheeseburger at lunch. Then we give up on the whole thing because we weren't able to do it all perfectly.

Be patient with your exercise plan
It's a hard concept for perfectionists to buy into, but taking baby steps is an incredibly effective way to achieve weight loss or any other goal. Taking baby steps with exercise leads you naturally to weight loss and healthier eating -- not on day one, but eventually.

As opposed to thinking you have to lose one hundred pounds, think about taking a five-minute walk once a day. Next week, increase your walk to ten minutes. And so on. People who take baby steps can eventually run marathons. They can lose dozens of pounds. But it takes time and patience, two skills that tend to be in short supply among perfectionists. But don't worry -- you can find time and develop patience.

Page 2 of 2

Now that you're setting realistic goals, try keeping a fitness journal of your progress.

---

Excerpted from Be Happy Without Being Perfect by Alice D. Domar, Ph.D. and Alice Lesch Kelly, Copyright © 2008 by Alice D. Domar and Alice Lesch Kelly. Excerpted by permission of Crown, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.