Fuel friendship and consider your conflict resolution
Most of us know when things aren't working in our couple relationship. We may feel hurt or irritated with our partner or have a sense that we're drifting apart. It's easy to know what we don't like. It's much harder to know how to fix it. Here are five things that you can do now to create a more loving relationship with your spouse:
1. Nurture the friendship
Too often our couple relationship ends up at the bottom of our list of priorities. Give your relationship the priority it deserves. Go out for dinner, see a movie, or take a weekend away. Have a drink together when you get home from work or snuggle after the kids are in bed. Take time to turn to each other and reconnect at the end of every day.
2. Consider handling your conflicts differently
Don't start a discussion by angrily criticizing, blaming, or attacking your partner. Your spouse will quickly move to defend himself and be unable to respond to the issue you want addressed.
Present the issue as a problem that the two of you need to solve together, not as one that pits you against each other as enemies.
Express what you are feeling, and state clearly and assertively what you want to be different. For example, instead of "You're so selfish. You always ignore me, you care more about work than you do about me," try "I have been missing you lately and I'm feeling lonely. I want us to talk about how we can spend more time together."
Don't get defensive or withdrawn. We can't resolve an issue when we are focused on protecting ourselves, proving we're right, or punishing our spouse by withdrawing.
Try to stay calm and listen to your spouse's experience of the situation. Listening won't compromise your position. In fact, it increases the likelihood that your partner will be able to hear what you have to say.
