It's a relationship, not a court of law
5. Interrupt when needed
Stopping unproductive fighting can be difficult to do, but if you're having an escalating argument that's going nowhere, things are probably going to get worse. Say, "Let's stop. I think we should take a break and talk about this later." Go for a walk and calm down before continuing the discussion.
Stopping unproductive fighting can be difficult to do, but if you're having an escalating argument that's going nowhere, things are probably going to get worse. Say, "Let's stop. I think we should take a break and talk about this later." Go for a walk and calm down before continuing the discussion.
6. Ask and you shall receive
Often couples argue because it's difficult for one or both of them to simply ask for what they need. They become so convinced that their spouse isn't going to give them what they want that they end up asking in ways that paradoxically push the spouse away. Try this: "It would mean a lot to me if you would..." or "From now on, could you please..." or "I'd really like for us to..." You'll be surprised at what you'll get if you just ask.
7. Figure out what the deeper issue really is
Couples that argue about many small things are usually really fighting about one fundamental, recurring issue in the relationship. Once you know what it is, then you can decide what to do about it. Maybe the two of you just need to talk about this unresolved issue, or maybe one of you needs to accept the other's limitations rather than trying to change the other. If you're really stuck, a good couple's therapist can help you to resolve the underlying issue.
Above all, remember that conflict is a normal, healthy part of any long-term relationship. How you handle conflict and how you repair with each other after you've clashed, makes all the difference in building a lasting, loving relationship.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE:
-Essay: I moved for love
-Secrets of 50-year marriages
-The art of appreciation
Page 2 of 2
Often couples argue because it's difficult for one or both of them to simply ask for what they need. They become so convinced that their spouse isn't going to give them what they want that they end up asking in ways that paradoxically push the spouse away. Try this: "It would mean a lot to me if you would..." or "From now on, could you please..." or "I'd really like for us to..." You'll be surprised at what you'll get if you just ask.
7. Figure out what the deeper issue really is
Couples that argue about many small things are usually really fighting about one fundamental, recurring issue in the relationship. Once you know what it is, then you can decide what to do about it. Maybe the two of you just need to talk about this unresolved issue, or maybe one of you needs to accept the other's limitations rather than trying to change the other. If you're really stuck, a good couple's therapist can help you to resolve the underlying issue.
Above all, remember that conflict is a normal, healthy part of any long-term relationship. How you handle conflict and how you repair with each other after you've clashed, makes all the difference in building a lasting, loving relationship.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE:
-Essay: I moved for love
-Secrets of 50-year marriages
-The art of appreciation
Page 2 of 2
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