Friends for 50 years

Friends are a support system
When Betty's husband first showed signs of Alzheimer's, it was a while before she could talk about it. "It didn't want to come out. But they didn't push me," says Betty. "That's where the help really was and another reason we get on so well. It eventually came out naturally, but even then, we talked about it without actually saying it."

I deeply respected the way the five friends patiently waited until the words were ready to be spoken. Today we feel if an issue is not talked about, it is not resolved. Sometimes I feel slighted if a friend fails to confide – as if it's about my needs and not hers.

Always there for one another
Even through the traumas of life, their support consisted of little more than a gentle reminder of their presence. They keep a respectful distance; like shadows, they touch but do not get in the way. This, they agree, is one of the contributing factors to their endurance as friends.

Perhaps Margie described it best, recalling when her husband died: "It was like a caress or a pat on the back. Maybe nothing more than tea, a cookie and a talk."

"We don't feel it's complicated," says Helen. "Because we know one another so well, we don't step on one another's toes. We are very intuitive. "We live in one another's feelings."

Sticking together through thick and thin
Perhaps this says it all. True friendship is a place often missed because it's achieved through acceptance and sensitivity, support and love; through committing time and respecting boundaries. It requires putting yourself aside in answer to the needs of a friend. The reward is the sublime comfort of togetherness through life's changes and challenges.

Thinking about the future
Even though she is now receiving treatment for lymphoma, what weighs heaviest on Helen's mind is the realization that they may soon have to face leaving the neighbourhood for seniors' housing. "We can't even think about moving on. We joke about going to a home where we can all be together, but we can't really even think about the time when we might be apart," says Helen.

As the women get up to leave, I notice the tables around them have filled and conversation escalated. Other groups chat and laugh and argue, yet not one seems ready to share a single muffin, cut five ways.

Long-lasting friendships are more than just good for the soul. Learn more about the healing power of female friendships.

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This article was first printed in the June 2007 issue of Homemakers Magazine. Click to subscribe online and don't miss an issue.