Approach dating with the right mindset
Changing the "rules," or the way you approach dating and the search for a good relationship, can dramatically increase your personal odds of finding a great guy. While you certainly don't need one to be "whole," or even happy, many women like being in a couple and sharing their lives with someone special. Nobody understands that more than Gloria does, and few people know as much about making dreams of coupledom a reality. Here's what she suggests.
Know thyself
Gloria finds that many women she meets are still hung up on their exes or afraid to fall in love again. Such mind-sets can translate into behaviours that say, "I'm not interested," or "You're not important." Why would a guy facing that sort of response stick around? "Ask yourself if you're really ready to meet someone," advises Gloria, and make yourself available — both emotionally and to actually go on dates. "Dating requires a serious commitment."
Ditch the "men are losers" mind-set
It probably won't surprise you to know that men are most drawn to women who like men. So if you're one of those women who think that you're always meeting losers (and there are lots of us), you'll likely continue to meet losers; it's often a self-fulfilling prophecy. As far as some women are concerned, "Any man can become a loser in a nanosecond just by not picking up the tab for the coffee or showing up a few minutes late for a first date," says Gloria.
The solution: Suspend judgment and commit to going on at least three dates before deciding how you really feel about a man. Gloria has had many cases where she had to convince a couple to go out a second time, and now they're married. "Success comes from accepting that men are different, and trying to appreciate their differences," she says.
Don't invest in fireworks
There may be little or no connection on a first date. But, if sparks do fly, Gloria warns against being blinded by the flash; instant sparks do not guarantee success in a relationship. Diane, a 36-year-old executive assistant, recently dated a man who gave her that Oh-my-God feeling. "There was real chemistry at the beginning," she says. "But once we had been out a few times, I realized he didn't have all the other stuff I wanted. It was purely a physical attraction."
On the other hand, and contrary to popular myth, chemistry can grow. "Many women think that if there are no fireworks within the first few minutes of a date, there never will be," says Gloria. "But I know from personal experience that's not true. I didn't feel a spark until I'd had several dates with my husband, and now I'm crazy about him. I'm not saying there shouldn't be a physical attraction, but it's not necessarily instantaneous."
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