Rediscover passion

Overcome feelings of emptiness by exploring your personal passions.

Updated:: 2009-10-21 22:30

Published:: 2003-07-25 00:00

By: Carole-Anne Vatcher

Passion perks

It's the sensation that makes you feel excited, motivated, and energized. Passion is a powerful and compelling emotion you can feel towards another person or endeavour.

Many seek passion in their intimate relationships or their jobs, and experience feelings of emptiness or frustration when the passion is missing. Follow these strategies to discover your passions.

For couples
In intimate relationships, passion is the spark that occurs when two distinct, unique individuals - being themselves - come together and interact. Passion can die when one person begins to alter him or herself to become what they think their partner wants them to be. If you constantly edit what you say or tailor yourself to please the person you're with, you're shutting down a vibrant, core part of yourself - the very part of you that's needed to experience passion.

There is no greater joy than being with someone who you can be completely yourself with - whether you're being silly, rude, playful, ironic or truthful. And when the other person is open and authentic, you will likely experience attraction towards him or her. Passion thrives on authenticity.

1. Be true to yourself
Take the risk to be known and loved for who you really are - shocking parts, strong parts, foibles and all. Experiment with being truly yourself in your relationship - both emotionally and sexually. In essence, what you're saying is: "This is me. Take it or leave it."

2. Initiate a deeper conversation than usual in your couple relationship
Passionate couples share intimate parts of themselves and attend to each other's deepest, most tender parts. Disclose something about yourself to your partner, or gently inquire about some aspect of your partner's past or emotional life.

3. Be proactive in your own pursuits
Sometimes the missing passion in your relationship is really the missing passion in your own life. Ask yourself, "If I had a million dollars and could do whatever I wanted, what would it be?" Your answers to this question can help you identify your priorities and life passions. Then, make some aspect of your dream happen by figuring out what you can do today. If your passion is to travel the world but you can't afford to do this, start budgetting so you can take one trip abroad next year.

When you are passionate about your own life, you can be more passionate about your partner and there's a good chance your partner will be more passionately attracted to you.

For singles
1. Get excited about your own life and your own interests
Take on something new or different at work, pick up a hobby, or do some volunteer work in an area that you feel passionate about. Ask yourself the million-dollar question posed above. Then consider making one of these things happen in your life.

2. Do something you've always wanted to do but have been too scared to try
The things we secretly dream about doing are usually the things we're most passionate about, deep down. Fear can be passion-extinguishing negativity connected to underestimating ourselves or being worried about the reactions of others. So go for it! Manifest your deepest passion in the world now.

3. Talk to a good friend about your life passions
Sharing can help you to clarify what you do and don't feel passionate about. Talking to a friend can give you the focus and drive that you need to go out and do something you're passionate about.

Click here to learn about reviving romance in your relationship, too.

Carole-Anne Vatcher, MSW, RSW is a Toronto-based individual and couple therapist in private practice. She has been interviewed for Homemakers, Reader's Digest and Canadian Living. She has made guest appearances on Canada AM, The Erin Davis Show, W Live and CityTV's TalkTV. Carole-Anne helps men and women improve their relationships and make positive changes in their lives. You can visit her website at www.torontotherapy.ca.

Print
E-mail