The introvert's guide to understanding extroverts

You're inhibited but your partner is the life of the party. Learn about your personality differences and find out how to awaken your inner extrovert.

Updated:: 2009-09-27 22:03

Published:: 2008-07-02 00:00

By: Dee Van Dyk

Bring out your inner extrovert

How can extroverts and introverts effectively co-exist in day-to-day life?
"Extroverts need to work on things like not being so impulsive and listening better," says Laney. "We, as introverts, need to work on how to speak to extroverts in their language, how to be able to say things when we're giving talks or answering questions at work. We need to learn tactics to help ourselves with that."

Laney offers up seven strategies for teasing out your inner extrovert:

1. Bone up on your chit-chat
Extroverts like to talk; introverts like to listen. Most extroverts are verbally adept and may mistake an introvert's style of conversation as a lack of intelligence. Laney recommends innies make deliberate efforts to make small talk with strangers. Talk a little faster and a little louder than you normally would, and keep it short and simple.

2. Calm yourself
Introverts are generally more affected by life's upsets. Recognize how your body reacts to stress (tensed muscles, holding your breath) and make a conscious effort to soothe yourself.

3. Stop the self-edit
Typically, introverts evaluate and re-evaluate what they have to say; extroverts just say it.

4. Make yourself as comfortable as you can
If you have to venture out into the extrovert's world, it makes sense to bring some sense of comfort with you when you're in unfamiliar surroundings.

5. Refresh yourself
Learn to visualize relaxing places and situations you can call on when you're stressed. Or take a time out: turn off the lights and chill out in the darkness for a few minutes. Recharge yourself.

6. Nurture your sense of humour
Laughter and humour helps — use it to your advantage!

7. Expand your world
Laney points out that introverts need relationships and a sense of community, too. Make a conscious effort to develop those contacts that appeal to you, whether through regular pre-arranged coffee klatches with old friends or by joining a group that interests you.

Accept and respect your differences
The real key to making relationships work more smoothly between introverts and extroverts is to understand the differences and then to accept each other within those differences, says Laney. "The most common type of couple is an extrovert and an introvert," she says. "Most introverts grow up thinking they should be more extroverted and so tend to admire them. Extroverts like us because we listen well and we are a more stable figure for a more active person."

Laney's own 37-year marriage is a testament to her professional beliefs and principles. "I would never have travelled as much as I have if I hadn't been married to an extrovert who had to travel for his job," she laughs. That said, Laney admits that she does schedule in downtime while away from home, while respecting her extrovert husband's desire to get out and explore the sights.

That's, after all, what it's all about: recognizing and respecting the differences between ourselves and others.

Want to know more about introverts and extroverts?
Check out Marti Laney's book The Introvert Advantage: Making the Most of Your Inner Strengths or visit her website at theintrovertadvantage.com.

Check out what another relationship expert has to say about why opposites attract.

The introvert's guide to understanding extroverts

Bring out your inner extrovert

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