Differences that work and how to fight right
Putting the puzzle together
While the differences between you and your mate may drive you crazy every now and then, you should consider that those differences probably brought you together in the first place.
Dr. Dobransky explains that the differences in men and women can help them to fit together like "puzzle pieces", in both sexual and emotional attraction.
When someone has a personality trait that you lack, you may find that person is more attractive to you.
Opposites complement each other in ways that provide mental stimulation, explains Dr. Dobransky, and this keeps the relationship growing. If your partner lacks an education, you have one; if you lack in experience and creativity, your partner doesn't — opposing personality traits such as these allow for couples to put their best attributes together and work as a strong team in any situation.
Dr. Dobransky explains that couples with opposite emotional and intellectual abilities make the best teams. "They offer an endless supply of ideas, emotional energy and personality style that other couples lack," he says. "They form a 'complete person' made out of two separate people with flaws, challenges and quirks."
When differences lead to fighting
You want to turn the heat up and he wants the windows open. Such disagreements may lead to arguments but how do you stop these irritations from escalating into a full-blown fight? How do you keep the peace?
It's important to have — and respect — boundaries. When dealing with a minor issue such as who will take out the garbage, remember that continuous banter will not solve the problem. At times like these, Dr. Dobransky suggests compromise as the best and quickest solution. "By compromising, and having respectful boundaries, we can always fix the minor issues," he says.
But, if you disagree on the big issues, such as whether or not to have kids, you will most likely run into trouble. "Questions like these should be asked within the first month of dating," Dr. Dobransky says. "They are non-starters and are likely impossible to overcome."
So grab your partner and take him or her out dancing one night and stay in to watch a movie and munch on some popcorn the next. Put your heads together, learn to love those little differences and you two will take the world by storm.
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