14 secrets to a well-lived life

• 7. Think in terms of life chapters. You can have it all, but not all at once. Devote each chapter to satisfying one need fully rather than living in a grey zone where all your needs are compromised. Think about what you are getting, not what you are giving up. Be mindful and in the moment.

• 8. Cherish and grow your friendships. Your friends are your lifeline. Do not allow your busyness to interfere with maintaining signi?cant relationships. Enrich your life by cultivating interesting new people for your network beyond your normal affiliations. Find a "big sister," and be a "big sister." Don't think of your friendships with an accountant's mentality -- I scratch your back, you scratch mine. Don't keep score of who has done more for whom. Be there for your friends in the bad times.

• 9. Give back to individuals and the community. Be a mentor and role model to younger women. Care about people and the environment. Many women cite giving back to others as one of their chief sources of fulfillment.

• 10. Invest in yourself and stretch yourself. Be bold and take risks knowing you can deal with uncertainty. Keep on learning. Try something new. Involve yourself in previously neglected life arenas. Finish your un?nished business. Reconnect to earlier career themes. If it doesn't feel a bit scary, chances are it's not very interesting.

• 11. Accept others for who they are. Be respectful of individual differences whether in your children, partners, or staff. Do not try to change them. Appreciate who they are, rather than bemoaning who they are not. If you get angry with someone because they are not behaving the way you would like them to, ask yourself: What gives me the right to demand or expect them to conform to my standards? Which needs of mine am I projecting on them?

• 12. Edit out the stuff that doesn't add value to your life. Get rid of commitments that drain you emotionally. For every commitment ask yourself: How does this make my life fuller? What would be the price of not doing this? How will I feel about that? Look at all areas of your life. For everything you own, ask yourself: Does the cost of maintaining this (whether dusting it or paying for it) enrich who I am and how I feel?

• 13. Have a healthy relationship to money. Start saving when you are young. Make wise financial decisions. Distinguish between what you want and need. Be financially literate. Don't de?ne yourself by your stuff, salary, or bank balance. Living within your means buys you freedom. If you downsize financial commitments which own you, you upsize your life. Don't use purchases as a way of satisfying/meeting unexpressed emotional needs, or money as a measure of self-worth.

• 14. Be kind to yourself and others. Look after your body. Be emotionally and spiritually healthy. Be generous with your praise both in celebrating your own accomplishments and those of others. Think of the legacy you would like to leave behind. Live a life you would be proud for your children and others to emulate.

This is perhaps the most important secret of all.