Finding faith at 40

At 42, Anne Bokma felt lost in a spiritual wilderness. Then her search for inspiration led her to a local church, and ultimately to "a very unreasonable notion": faith.

Updated:: 2010-05-11 16:10

Published:: 2010-05-05 00:00

By: Anne Bokma

Feeling spiritually lost? You're not alone

Fifty years ago, the majority of Canadians spent their Sunday mornings sitting on a church pew instead of in the stands of a hockey arena, on the couch with the weekend paper or in bed catching up on sleep.

Today, regular churchgoing seems as retro as Sunday drives, martinis before dinner and eight-track tapes: only 23 per cent of Canadians go to weekly services. While 70 per cent of Canadian women say they believe in God and more than half say they pray daily, I think many feel too disillusioned, too disconnected or just too busy to attend worship services.

I know. I used to be one of them.

Lost in a spiritual wilderness
Going to church had been a big part of my life growing up, but I left that behind after becoming disaffected by the faith of my childhood. My early certainties had become threadbare, like a blanket that no longer kept me warm. I still yearned for some sort of comfort, but didn't know what I was looking for.

But then, five years ago, when I was 42, I walked through the doors of a Unitarian church in Hamilton for the first time, my skeptical husband and two young daughters in tow. I discovered what I had been missing for so long: a sense of belonging, a community with a conscience, a place to celebrate traditions, soulful companions, inspiration to be a better person, a religion to raise my children in – in effect, a place to call home.

Church is where your heart is
Now most Sunday mornings our family attends this church. There, we light candles, sing robustly to songs as varied as "Amazing Grace" and "Lean on Me," and listen to sermons on topics that reach to the core of what it is to be human: how to really forgive your neighbour, what it means to be compassionate and how we can make a difference in the world.

We'll pass around a collection plate and greet friends who are now as much a part of our lives as family members. Our two girls, ages 11 and 8, will go off to their children's programs, and join us later at coffee hour, where they'll show off the crafts they've made, or the new friend they've met.

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