Manage messy family members

How to take control when you live with a chronic clutterbug

Updated:: 2009-10-13 21:46

Published:: 2005-04-13 00:00

By: Rita Emmett, author of The Clutter-Busting Handbook (Random House of Canada Ltd., 2004)

Dealing with a clutter culprit

"HELP! THERE'S A CLUTTER CULPRIT IN OUR HOME"
What should you do if you find time to prevent clutter but somebody else in your home is not putting things back where they belong? What do you do with your spouse, kid, or other offender? Maybe you've tried nagging these Clutter Culprits, or arguing with them, or yelling at them. If so, you already know that such tactics won't work.

Solution: Bore them to tears. Josh handed his Clutter Culprit (his teenage son) a little spiral notebook, a pen, and a stopwatch, then said, "We have to go identify a problem. Come with me."

They walked to where clutter had accumulated on the kitchen counter. Josh asked his son to time him as he rinsed out and placed in the dishwasher a glass his son had left on the counter. The time was recorded in the notebook. Then they walked into the family room and timed how long it took Josh to pick up a glass, take it into the kitchen, and put it in the dishwasher.

Though he felt like laughing, Josh kept a straight face as they noted exactly how long each activity took. His son found this exercise to be so boring and annoying, he decided he would rather pick up after himself than endure another of Josh's "timing sessions."

Yes, I'll agree that maybe it won't work with your Clutter Culprit, but how will you know unless you try? And it has worked for many people. To find out how long it takes to put things back where they came from can be a startling eye-opener not only for your family, but also for you.

Another solution: When your Clutter Culprit is open to doing some de-cluttering, and he is on the fence about getting rid of something, you can be the Clutter Coach and in a kind, loving voice tell him, "You will have the memory of those three broken doorknobs. Those broken doorknobs can live in your heart forever, but now it's time to say good-bye to them."

If that causes too much separation anxiety, suggest that you pack up some of his stuff and leave it in the basement or garage for a few months. If he is comfortable living without it that long, he might agree to have you dispose of that batch of stuff. Neither of you should look inside the box; otherwise the anxiety will start all over again.

Manage messy family members

Dealing with a clutter culprit

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