My outdoor rock climbing adventure - It's me against the mountain

I felt that I had failed
I told him my arms and shoulders were exhausted — they were shaking — and I couldn't bear the pain much longer. He told me that my legs should be doing all the work, not my arms. Easier said than done.

I didn't make it on my first try. About halfway up I reluctantly called it quits and rappelled down, walking my feet down the rock face past the spots where I'd struggled in my ascent. A part of me felt that I had failed. I was embarrassed because the others had succeeded on their first attempts.

Try, try again
I took a rest and decided to try again. This climb was as difficult as the first, but now I was armed with sheer desperation to succeed — plus some more tips and coaching from Brett.

In a book called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway (Ballantine, 1988), author Susan Jeffers maintains that fear will propel you toward accomplishing your goals. It is natural to feel fear, says Jeffers, but the only other choice is to feel stuck, frozen and paralyzed. Here on the mountain, I could relate. I was enormously afraid, but I also felt each step up lifting me though my fear — to the next ridge as well as closer to my goal, the top of the rock face.

Making it to the top
Certainly, I often let my fear get the best of me, throwing up doubt and mistrust as I second-guessed Brett's constant instructions. If it wasn't for his tenacity and patience, I doubt I would have made it to the top.

But I did, finally. I pulled myself up and slowly stood tall to gaze out at the lush evergreens and overarching blue sky before me. Below, I could hear my group cheering me on. To my right towered a metal-coloured mountain with chiselled grooves and peaks crowned with melting snow. As beautiful as it was, though, I was determined to return to solid ground; a rush of relief and fatigue overtook me.

Sometimes you need a good cry
At the bottom once again, I leapt onto the ground, unclipped my gear and triumphantly walked toward my group to be congratulated. Then, suddenly, the smile on my face softened and I burst into tears.

I had pushed myself so far beyond what I had perceived to be my limits that I was literally overwhelmed by my victory. Brett told me later that in his eight years of climbing he had never seen anyone react the way I did.

I once saw a climber on National Geographic TV who said this: "Climbing forces you to confront who you are." How true that was for me!

On my labour up the mountain, I discovered vulnerabilities I never knew existed — as well as a conviction that I'll never know what I can accomplish until I try.

What have you done to challenge a fear? Click the microphone icon and post your feedback.

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