Supporting someone who is depressed

Your Comments

• Rob wrote:

  Feb 26, 2008

  2009-09-22 10:48 AM

  Good article, my fiance suffers from manic depression (bipolar). I find it very tough sometimes with the extreme highs and lows that she goes through. It's so unpredictable too, she can be happy and cheerful (normal you could say) for a few days then she'll have this massive 'freak-out' where she looks like she's going to explode and then she's down for a day or so then all of a sudden she's on top of the world and nothing can get her down. These cycles are so different all the time in length and severity of each phase that there's absolutely no way to know what I'm waking up to. Altough I have learned some patterns with her, things that trigger different moods and signs as to which mood is coming, but you just never know how long each phase will last. Her doctor has her on desipramene(sp), and says she should stick with what works. Apparantly everything I've described is when she's at her best. I've read myself that lithium is a good treatment for manic depression. Is there any medications that anyone else has some experience with for treatment of manic depression?

• sara wrote:

  Apr 13, 2006

  2009-09-22 10:49 AM

  i am a teenager and i have to admit i'm depressed - i wont get into detail or anything im just going to say what i want to say. this article way awesome. i was amazed at how she described some things to the EXACT way they needed to be explained. i hope it helped many people. i wish i could show it to my family and friends. it's perfect

• Michel wrote:

  Apr 12, 2006

  2009-09-22 10:49 AM

  Thank you so much for writing this piece. My wife and I have been struggling with what we now know to be a clinical depression. Neither of us thought it was because of her behaviour but thanks to a caring and wonderful family doctor, we understand it better and it's getting better every day. As the only support person for her, I wish I had read this two years ago! I can so relate to what was described here. Much of this I've had to learn on my own. This biggest hill to climb was realizing that it's not my fault and that I can't simply fix it (tough for a male!) You are so right on "leave the room". When it's going in circles, often it defuses the situation when I simply go for a walk around the block alone. We're both better afterwards. Thanks again, Michel

• Cheryl Stenersen wrote:

  Apr 12, 2006

  2009-09-22 10:50 AM

  Thank you for re-iterating "the fact" that a depressed person cannot just "throw it off" or "get over it." There is no choice under the black blanket. I attended a mental disorder clinic at my local hospital and the nurses and psychiatrists were practising "cognitive behavioural therapy." ' They truly believed -- and were teaching -- the preposterous notion that it was a choice. "You can choose to have a bad day or, you can get up; shower, brush your hair, eat and go for a walk. It is your choice." We...the patients looked at these professionals with doubting speculations and the question begged to be asked; "Are you serious?" "Have you ever experienced a state of absolute depression?" Of course, none of them had...their teachings were based on a concept from a book. It was a very poisonous course to have to endure! The problem was that "we" were all too sick to challenge these figures of authority. I often wish, now, that my life is more in control through knowledge, medication and support, that I could go back to that hospital. I would enlighten them in so many ways, exactly how their teaching methods could and would improve the quality of comprehension if they had a panel of survivors to add the missing dimension to their book learning. Real people who had survived "the pit" with living testimonies, to those desperate souls searching for life-giving answers.

• Erica wrote:

  Apr 13, 2006

  2009-09-22 10:50 AM

  Thank you for this article. I am in a long-term relationship with a man that I love. Recently (possibly the past year) he has changed. He is very reclusive and negative. He will almost always take my light-hearted humour as offensive and lashes out at me and our son without notice. Before reading this artice I really thought that he just needed to lighten up, or get some fresh air. But now I see that he could possibly be suffering a great deal from depression. I have asked him if he thought he was depressed before but he sees that also as an attack on his character. Now that I have read this article I know not to take it personally and that I am not solely responsible to bring him out of it. I will do whatever I can to support him and help him find a way out. Thanks again.

• Farrah wrote:

  Apr 13, 2009

  2009-09-22 10:51 AM

  Although this article was written for the caregiver, it is also very useful to people suffering from depression. I am one of those ppl for many years now. My good friend and roommate speaks to me about depression by way of discussing her brother's depression problem. Never mine. She expresses her frustration with him to ME by saying such things as " I understand wanting things in life, but at some point you're gonna have to DO something to bring that change about!" It's very difficult to live around that kind of judgment. I argue for him when I have the energy, because she clearly has no compassion, or desire to educate herself. I feel she is indirectly speaking to me, and I shut down even further in the face of her harsh misunderstanding. This article was a pat on the shoulder for me. I felt understood and validated ...not crazy, lazy, or a bad person. And although I too did not relate to the 'watching feet' aspect, the rest of the article was useful. I am on a wait list for therapy so these little bits of validation make me hopeful that some ppl do understand, and if I hang on, I may get back to where I once was. Thanks.

• Sherrine wrote:

  Apr 12, 2006

  2009-09-22 10:51 AM

  Any comments about how to deal with depression if you are not a caregiver, but rather the ex-girlfriend of someone with bi-polar disorder? My ex has a very limited support network and reaches out to me when his medication stops working and he becomes depressed. I'm the happily married mother of two small kids, and I feel like I'm getting pulled into something that's not my responsibility, and that has the potential to take me away from caring for my own family. I'm trying to figure out the right thing for me to do, morally. I've been able to keep it to an e-mail relationship but I know that he's tried to phone me, and I haven't answered ... sounds pretty awful, doesn't it?

• erin wrote:

  Apr 12, 2006

  2009-09-22 10:51 AM

  Thank you! I was diagnosed with depression 2 years ago and fought it tooth and nail! I wasn't crazy! I wasn't going on medication! I am not weak! I didn't realize though that once I moved to Alberta (I was diagnosed in Ontario) my battle for treatment had only begun. Alberta Health Care only covers mental health professionals (psychologists/psychiatrists) if you're a danger to yourself or someone else. As what's called a "functioning depressive" I'm not a technical danger...until I hurt myself or someone else. With hard work, though, I am slowly getting better. It is slow-going though...and the power of the mind is boggling. I wish anyone supporting someone dealing with mental illness or dealing with it themselves all the best and follow this advice...it's good. We're not weak or crazy. We're strong and misunderstood.

• Beth wrote:

  Apr 13, 2006

  2009-11-18 3:01 PM

  WOW your article is soooo true!..I have spent time blaming myself, for my fiance's moods. He is suffering with depression and I have never known him as any different, So the blame game is definitely a big part of all of it. Like maybe he wants out, or maybe he does not love me as much anymore. Your article has really made the weight somewhat come off.

• ann wrote:

  Aug 08, 2006

  2009-11-18 3:01 PM

  having been both both a caregiver and a depressed person it seems that the person writing this has never been depressed. And her worries are to protect the caregiver. To protect the caregiver is important. Of course. But the depressed person is not looking at the carers feet as the author say. She is in a completely different world. If she is really depressed she may not even be able to hear what the caregiver is saying. This is a terribly difficult world to try to untangle in a short article.