How to write a legacy letter

You know the importance of writing a will to take care of the distribution of your assets and belongings after you die, but how do you pass on the intangibles of who you were in life? Your personal values, your dearest memories, or even your secret recipe for pizza might be much more important than your physical belongings.

A legacy letter might be the tool you're looking for.

What is a legacy letter?
A legacy is something we pass on to the next generation; a legacy letter is simply the written presentation of that legacy.

When should I write a legacy letter?
Legacy letters can be written at any point in life, but are often written at pivotal points of grief and loss; sometimes at the end stages of life or after the diagnosis of a debilitating illness like dementia. Preparing a legacy letter can be an important step in getting your personal and private life in order.

End-of-life legacy letters can serve three functions:
-to explain the division of property
-to share memories, and;
-to tell loved ones the things you want them to know. Something like a family secret, perhaps.

A legacy letter gives you an opportunity to explain situations and feelings that might provide your loved ones with an inside track into what's important to you. But these letters shouldn't necessarily be reserved for difficult times; other pivotal life points can serve as springboards for inspirational legacy letters. You can write legacy letters for happy transition points (a wedding, the birthday of a child, a graduation) in your life, too.

"A legacy letter helps provide you with clarity in your own life," says Kerry Woodcock, a certified life coach. You might use a child's wedding as an opportunity to write a legacy letter, telling that child about your own wedding. That letter would make a meaningful and unique wedding day gift.

Why should I write a legacy letter?
"Until we're aware of what we're thinking, saying and doing, we repeat the same patterns continually," says Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem, a marriage and family therapist. Recording the parts of your life that are most important to you gives you an opportunity to re-evaluate aspects of your life and make changes, so the legacy letter may be just as important to you as it is to the person who receives it.

Click to continue for tips on how to start your legacy letter...

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How do I start a legacy letter?
There are many ways to start a legacy letter. "The simple way is to look at the peak experiences in your life, when you felt especially alive, and talk about that," says Woodcock. "What was important about those moments and what did you learn?"

You might uncover plenty of insights in a personal diary. "I recommend people start with doing a lot of journalling," says Barnicke Belleghem. Don't expect to knock off a legacy letter in an afternoon. "A legacy letter is an evolving document, detailing what matters to the writer and what they want people to know and believe about them. Developing it over time gives you the chance to deeply consider, and revise, the words you leave behind."

Still not sure how to start? Find a quotation that means something to you and write about it.

What should I use as a medium for my legacy letter and what should I write about?
While pen and paper, or a computer, are the obvious choices, don't overlook turning your legacy letter into an audio or video recording. The only rules are the ones you impose on yourself.

Think beyond the traditional letter to items you can include in, or with, your legacy letter -- pictures, recipes, drawings, and a box of mementos from your life.

Typically, you would be doing your own legacy letter or recording, but you might choose to involve your family in the process, whether you use the written word or an audio back-and-forth about your memories and values.

Are there particular subjects I should keep out of my legacy letter?
Technically, there are no bounds to what you can discuss. But be aware that just as a legacy letter can go a long ways to resolving issues, explaining lives, and imparting values and memories, it can also be an instrument of pain for the recipients. Telling family secrets in an end-of-life letter can mean that the fall-out from telling the secret may go unresolved.

For example, discovering the existence of a sibling who was born out of wedlock and given up for adoption, has the potential to create anger and pain in family members who might feel they were entitled to know this information sooner. In these cases, Barnicke Belleghem often works with, and encourages, clients to tell the secret earlier. "There can be amazing healing around this."

Warning! Be careful to keep your legacy letter consistent with your will. If your legacy letter contradicts your will, there could be cause for confusion and legal issues may arise.

Regardless of the method and content you choose for a legacy letter, keep in mind that your legacy letter should mean as much to you as it will to those who will read it.

Recommended reading
Nothing Left Unsaid: Creating a Healing Legacy with Final Words and Letters (Da Capo Press, 2006) by Mary Polce-Lynch

My Last Wishes: A Journal of Life, Love, Laughs & a Few Final Notes (Harpercollins, 2007) by Joy Meredith

How to Tape Instant Oral Biographies (Bantam Doubleday Dell, 1992) by William Zimmerman

Want to read more on Homemakers.com? Losing Shawn: A sister's memoir explores one woman's feelings about the tragic loss of her brother.

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