3 questions to ask yourself regularly
The first step on that road toward meaning is a healthy dose of appreciation. And that means a shift from our preoccupation with ourselves to "something bigger to the community," says Paul Wong, a psychology lecturer at Trinity Western University in Langley, B.C., and president of the International Network of Personal Meaning. "Gratitude is a byproduct of appreciating others and loving people."
Need a refresher course in gratitude? Naikan (Japanese for looking inside) is a great place to start. The practice, developed in the 1940s by Buddhist Ishin Yoshimoto, encourages individuals to reflect on their lives, behaviours and relationships. The key to it is asking yourself these three questions regularly.1. What have I received today?
"I get up, and before I do anything else, I write down things that I am grateful for in three categories," comments Urban. "One category is people, one is material things, and one is intangibles -- such as friendship or love."
Recently, I challenged a friend to count all her blessings -- everything from her little dog to the heat in her house. She was aghast, saying it would take all day. "I live in Canada!" she sniffed. "Of course I'm blessed." She was right -- but she was also taking it for granted. We live with such wealth that we have come to simply expect the good life without comment. Hence, the second question.
2. What did I give?
My best friend, Lauren, contemplated this lately. Every day, she walks the same way to work, and every day, she smiles at the old hot dog guy on the corner. Recently, he stopped her and thanked her for brightening his day with her traffic-stopping grin. "I had no idea it made him so happy," she says. "I may have given him something, but then, he gave me something back by telling me how much it meant to him."
Whether you offer your neighbour a lift or say thanks to the doorman, chances are you gave something back to the world this week. But unless you're Mother Teresa, you probably didn't give as much as you received, says Krech. "Without exception, I receive more than I give. Even if you've had a great day, others have contributed to that. If you have a sense that you receive so much more than you gave, you will realize that, really, no one owes you anything."
3. What troubles have I caused?
Without realizing it, my friend Mauri helps keep my gratitude bank account balanced. She doesn't tolerate gossip. The minute conversation veers into those muddy waters, she changes the subject. It stops you short and makes you realize the harm you are doing.
Reliving those less-than-spiritually-guided moments won't feel great, but it will help you realize you're in a state of grace. "That recognition that you're truly blessed is the deepest sense of gratitude you'll ever have," says Krech.
And it certainly is one of the greatest gifts you'll ever get. It may not come in an expensively wrapped box, but neither will it go out of fashion, break or need batteries. In fact, it lasts forever and, best of all, costs absolutely nothing.
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"I get up, and before I do anything else, I write down things that I am grateful for in three categories," comments Urban. "One category is people, one is material things, and one is intangibles -- such as friendship or love."
Recently, I challenged a friend to count all her blessings -- everything from her little dog to the heat in her house. She was aghast, saying it would take all day. "I live in Canada!" she sniffed. "Of course I'm blessed." She was right -- but she was also taking it for granted. We live with such wealth that we have come to simply expect the good life without comment. Hence, the second question.
2. What did I give?
My best friend, Lauren, contemplated this lately. Every day, she walks the same way to work, and every day, she smiles at the old hot dog guy on the corner. Recently, he stopped her and thanked her for brightening his day with her traffic-stopping grin. "I had no idea it made him so happy," she says. "I may have given him something, but then, he gave me something back by telling me how much it meant to him."
Whether you offer your neighbour a lift or say thanks to the doorman, chances are you gave something back to the world this week. But unless you're Mother Teresa, you probably didn't give as much as you received, says Krech. "Without exception, I receive more than I give. Even if you've had a great day, others have contributed to that. If you have a sense that you receive so much more than you gave, you will realize that, really, no one owes you anything."
3. What troubles have I caused?
Without realizing it, my friend Mauri helps keep my gratitude bank account balanced. She doesn't tolerate gossip. The minute conversation veers into those muddy waters, she changes the subject. It stops you short and makes you realize the harm you are doing.
Reliving those less-than-spiritually-guided moments won't feel great, but it will help you realize you're in a state of grace. "That recognition that you're truly blessed is the deepest sense of gratitude you'll ever have," says Krech.
And it certainly is one of the greatest gifts you'll ever get. It may not come in an expensively wrapped box, but neither will it go out of fashion, break or need batteries. In fact, it lasts forever and, best of all, costs absolutely nothing.
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