Relationship red flags #1-2
Being married or in a long-term and committed relationship can be wonderful but problems can arise in even the strongest of partnerships. But what constitutes a real relationship problem vs. a minor irritation?
Marriage and family therapist Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem reveals some major relationship red flags to watch out for.
1. Acting on your attraction to another
Some people believe that after marriage or finding the right partner, they'll no longer be attracted to others and, if they are, they're committing infidelity in their mind. But just feeling an attraction to someone is not the same as acting on it. The initial feeling of attraction is OK, Belleghem explains, but you raise a relationship red flag when you find yourself flirting or responding to your attraction.
If your attraction to someone other than your partner indicates an absence of closeness or sexual involvement, try to improve that aspect of your relationship. Belleghem suggests making time for just the two of you. It’s easy to get so caught up in daily routines (work, chores, child care, etc.) but remember to hug, hold hands or incorporate other simple but romantic gestures into each day.
And if you want something, ask for it. Don't assume your partner knows when you want a hug or when you feel like being intimate, warns Belleghem. Be specific and communicate your needs and desires.
2. No longer feeling in love with your partner
Remember at the beginning of your relationship? You were together all the time and focused on each other, making it easy to feel romantic and completely in love.
But time passes, maybe your list of responsibilities grows, and you lose focus on the relationship, making it harder to hold on to those romantic emotions. Maybe you don't want to be around your partner when the only time you spend together is doing something mundane or frustrating. It’s no fun taking out garbage, lugging home groceries or dealing with a car that won’t start.
Planning playful, fun time can help bring back that "in love" feeling, Belleghem says. Some ways to do this include:
-going on a vacation together
-sharing a meal at a restaurant you’ve never been to
-sipping coffee together at a nearby park.
Do something outside of your regular routine, something that bonds the two of you in a way that doesn’t involve talking about the mortgage or who was supposed to call the dishwasher repairman.
