The introvert's guide to understanding extroverts

You're inhibited but your partner is the life of the party. Learn about your personality differences and find out how to awaken your inner extrovert.

Updated:: 2009-09-27 22:03

Published:: 2008-07-02 00:00

By: Dee Van Dyk

The differences between introverts and extroverts

Psychotherapist Dr. Marti Laney would like to clear up some misconceptions about introverts. For openers, she says, introverts aren't necessarily shy. "Introverts tend to be different in different situations. I would be very talkative one-on-one, but more quiet in a group. Friends and family are sometimes confused by that."

Laney, a self-described introvert, is the author of The Introvert & Extrovert in Love: Making It Work When Opposites Attract (New Harbinger Publications, 2007) and The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World (Workman Publishing Company, 2002).

Famous introverts
Are you an introvert? If so, you're not alone. Given the misconceptions about introverts, you might be surprised to hear of these famous 'innies': Julia Roberts, Clint Eastwood, Tom Hanks, Steve Martin, Christina Aguilera, Barbara Walters, Mark Twain, Laura Bush, Johnny Carson, and David Letterman. Clearly, being an introvert doesn't mean you're a recluse or that you don't work and play well with others.

What are the differences between introverts and extroverts?
One of the hallmarks that distinguishes introverts from extroverts, says Laney, is energy creation.

Introverts get their energy internally (ideas, emotions, impressions); extroverts pull their energy externally (activities, other people, places). While introverts dislike too much stimuli, extroverts thrive on it.

Characteristics of introverts and extroverts
Typically, introverts are good listeners, enjoy solitude, and feel drained after stimuli, even if they've had a good time. Conversely, extroverts enjoy being with people, have lots of friends, and love variety.

Laney likens introverts to rechargeable batteries, needing time to recharge after use. Continuing the metaphor, she compares extroverts to solar panels, taking their energy from the outside and being exposed to the sun. That predisposition to be either extroverted or introverted is hardwired into each of us.

For example, although Laney is a renowned author, she still finds doing interviews difficult and attributes that to being an innie. "We use long-term memory more than extroverts and we have to retrieve words — it's a much longer process for introverts."

There's room in this world — and a genuine need — for both introverts and extroverts, says Laney. "In all studies of birds and mammals, 75 per cent are considered bold and 25 per cent are considered inhibited. Nature wants that balance, because we can then survive in different kinds of environments."

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