Beth Ferrone could have been a poster girl for Having It All. At 35, she was the regional sales manager for a national insurance company and a successful corporate executive. She was married with two daughters, aged seven and four. She served as a volunteer board member for a professional association. She was counted on, confided in, admired and respected.
But the cost was a schedule that would make mere mortals weep. By often starting her day at 4:30 a.m., Ferrone could squeeze in her commute -- an hour each way -- from her home in Clayton, Ont., to her office in Ottawa. She worked a 60-hour week, often picking up her children at the babysitter's after their dinner. Once home she'd prepare a meal for herself and her husband, put the kids to bed, tidy up the kitchen, and hit the sheets herself at 11 p.m. Every Sunday night, she'd work until midnight to prepare for the week ahead.No wonder Ferrone was exhausted. Just at the point when Ferrone's stress, dissatisfaction and sense that she was constantly running a race with no finish line threatened to overwhelm her, she fortuitously met Marguerite Tennier, a Gatineau, Quebec, life coach who had a booth at a business trade show that Ferrone attended. Ferrone had read magazine articles about life coaches and had heard colleagues sing their praises. She decided to ask Tennier for help.
The hectic epidemic
Ferrone's story wasn't a new one to Tennier. In fact, out-of-control lives are epidemic, especially among women -- trying to do it all, running full throttle on several fronts and, on top of it all, expecting to feel personally fulfilled. Instead, they are overextended, burnt-out and dogged by a sense that they are missing the whole point. "It's normalized that everyone is like that -- everyone is running, trying to buy the big house," says Tennier. People "accept as a given that everybody is working long hours at demanding jobs to meet their financial goals." Thus, she says, women like Ferrone don't realize that they do have choices -- that they can jump off the treadmill and get back in control. How? By setting priorities and making choices.
Take back control over your life. Here are seven tips to be your own life coach and reach your personal goals.
1. Track how you spend your time each day for a week or month. "The first step to make any change is awareness," says Toronto life coach Dorothy Greenaway.
2. Identify your priorities. Write them down, in order. "Are you spending your time where your priorities are?" asks Marguerite Tennier in Gatineau, Que.
3. Acknowledge what you do each day, even if accomplishments seem insignificant: getting up early to clean the bathroom, walking the dog, making it to the parent-teacher meeting. This helps you realize that you are getting things done, which gives you a feeling of satisfaction and primes you to do more.
4. Picture yourself in five years' time. If you're still living the way you are now, would it make you happy? Can you see yourself in the same job, or in the same relationship? If not, why not?
5. List your strengths. Remember experiences or moments when you felt on top of your game and figure out what all those times have in common -- what made you happy or satisfied. Now, compare your strengths against your daily activities. Are they in sync? Make choices in line with activities you're good at -- and make you feel good.
6. Rediscover your passions. Name 10 things you do for fun. If you can't, then list 10 things you'd like to try. "Make it a game; solve the mystery of what it is you enjoy," says Calgary life coach Sherri Olsen.
7. Commit to taking care of yourself. Get more rest if you need it, and take time to do the things you enjoy: reading a book, taking a walk. Many times women are afraid they will be perceived as selfish by taking time for themselves, says Tennier, but you can't be there for your family, your employees or your friends if you're not there for yourself.
But the cost was a schedule that would make mere mortals weep. By often starting her day at 4:30 a.m., Ferrone could squeeze in her commute -- an hour each way -- from her home in Clayton, Ont., to her office in Ottawa. She worked a 60-hour week, often picking up her children at the babysitter's after their dinner. Once home she'd prepare a meal for herself and her husband, put the kids to bed, tidy up the kitchen, and hit the sheets herself at 11 p.m. Every Sunday night, she'd work until midnight to prepare for the week ahead.No wonder Ferrone was exhausted. Just at the point when Ferrone's stress, dissatisfaction and sense that she was constantly running a race with no finish line threatened to overwhelm her, she fortuitously met Marguerite Tennier, a Gatineau, Quebec, life coach who had a booth at a business trade show that Ferrone attended. Ferrone had read magazine articles about life coaches and had heard colleagues sing their praises. She decided to ask Tennier for help.
The hectic epidemic
Ferrone's story wasn't a new one to Tennier. In fact, out-of-control lives are epidemic, especially among women -- trying to do it all, running full throttle on several fronts and, on top of it all, expecting to feel personally fulfilled. Instead, they are overextended, burnt-out and dogged by a sense that they are missing the whole point. "It's normalized that everyone is like that -- everyone is running, trying to buy the big house," says Tennier. People "accept as a given that everybody is working long hours at demanding jobs to meet their financial goals." Thus, she says, women like Ferrone don't realize that they do have choices -- that they can jump off the treadmill and get back in control. How? By setting priorities and making choices.
Take back control over your life. Here are seven tips to be your own life coach and reach your personal goals.
1. Track how you spend your time each day for a week or month. "The first step to make any change is awareness," says Toronto life coach Dorothy Greenaway.
2. Identify your priorities. Write them down, in order. "Are you spending your time where your priorities are?" asks Marguerite Tennier in Gatineau, Que.
3. Acknowledge what you do each day, even if accomplishments seem insignificant: getting up early to clean the bathroom, walking the dog, making it to the parent-teacher meeting. This helps you realize that you are getting things done, which gives you a feeling of satisfaction and primes you to do more.
4. Picture yourself in five years' time. If you're still living the way you are now, would it make you happy? Can you see yourself in the same job, or in the same relationship? If not, why not?
5. List your strengths. Remember experiences or moments when you felt on top of your game and figure out what all those times have in common -- what made you happy or satisfied. Now, compare your strengths against your daily activities. Are they in sync? Make choices in line with activities you're good at -- and make you feel good.
6. Rediscover your passions. Name 10 things you do for fun. If you can't, then list 10 things you'd like to try. "Make it a game; solve the mystery of what it is you enjoy," says Calgary life coach Sherri Olsen.
7. Commit to taking care of yourself. Get more rest if you need it, and take time to do the things you enjoy: reading a book, taking a walk. Many times women are afraid they will be perceived as selfish by taking time for themselves, says Tennier, but you can't be there for your family, your employees or your friends if you're not there for yourself.
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